Stealing Society
by yashaoftheness
Summary: Ginny and Draco are running away together during a BOMB attack oneshot songfic dmgw OMGLOLOOC Not really. M for Language.


**I can't believe I'm even posting this. This is a sad, sad, attempt at redeeming myself in the fanfiction world, or at least a sad, sad, tongue-in-cheek attempt. Priscilla, you asked for it. I dedicate this to PRISCILLA PAZ. Now you all know who's fault this is, I hope you get flogged. **

**The unfitting System of a Down song recommended for this fanfiction is Stealing Society. Listen to it while you read. XD And I promise you I really don't cuss this much in real life, it's just really, really bad fic writing.**

**It should be obvious by the contents of this fanfiction that I don't own a thing.**

* * *

The last thing Minister of Magic Kingsley Shacklebolt expected on his trip to the newly elected British Prime Minister's office was that he would go completely Batshit crazy and call the Americans. But he did.

You know, the thing is, most people thought the muggleborns would stay along, keep with the halfbloods and, simultaneously, the purebloods. You would think, given the education provided for them at Hogwarts, the stable lives they led in wizarding jobs, wizarding houses, the bloody _war_ fought and won for them, that they would stay loyal to the magical cause. Apparently this is not so, or so thinks Ginny Weasley, hiding in a niche in the wall, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, in the middle of a _motherfucking air raid._

Having taken Muggle Studies as her elective in third year, all Ginny could think of at the moment was "DUCKANDCOVERDUCKANDCOVER" and curse herself for sleeping through so many of those _vidjees _or whatever the professor had shown them. Students all over the halls were screaming and running around with their hands in the air. Ginny snickered from her hiding spot in the wall ("_dummies!"_) when Draco Malfoy strolls past the opening, glancing in and snorting. He had no robe on, hands shoved into the pockets of his regulation black uniform pants.

"You're not actually afraid, are you?" he asks her, and she makes wild "Shh!"-ing noises while waving her hands frantically. "Seriously, Ginevra, you think stupid muggle _fireworks_ are enough to bring down a school this old? They're just bouncing off the wards on the school." He stood there and looked down at her, she blinked.

"…Right." Ginny said, wriggling her way out of the small crevice. She stood up and dusted herself off. Draco snorted again. After the second war against Voldemort, Headmistress McGonagall had recommended that the students who hadn't come back to Hogwarts because of the war return in order to properly learn their subjects. Hence, Ginny was back, taking her sixth year at Hogwarts, along with her classmates. Harry, Hermione, and Ron had returned as well, because even super wonderful hero people need to take NEWTS.

Don't get her wrong, Ginny loves her friends, they mean the world to her. But god they were _smothering_. As soon as they returned to Hogwarts Harry had wanted to start up their relationship again, even after ditching her for a year to go on a treasure hunt. Ginny had agreed, but she was hesitant. A war changes a girl, you know? Especially a girl locked in an old house for the entire war, with only the occasional Order member dropping by, and of course Draco Malfoy.

When they had come back to Order HQ after saving the world and stuff, they had thrown a Bitch Fit.

"_Why is _Draco Malfoy, _son of a _Death Eater_, here, in _my_ house?" Harry had yelled, throwing his arms around like an octopus. Ginny giggled a little from her spot on Draco's bed, sitting cross-legged and painting her toenails. Draco just rolled his eyes and turned back to his desk, finishing a letter to his mother. Ron gaped, and Hermione looked angry, Professor Lupin just sighed and ushered a flailing Harry out of the room. _

"_Why do they hate me?" Draco asked seriously, not looking up from his parchment._

"_Because you're a douche bag." Ginny said wisely, blowing on her nails, "is this color too summer? I think I should have picked a more subtle, autumn color." _

"_Oh yeah. And I don't understand your seasonal analogies. Your toes look like a unicorn puked all over them. Why are you in my room?" He folded his letter into an envelope. Ginny shrugged and started to add another layer of polish._

But now that they were in school again, safely segregated in their different houses, the Superheroes were happy again. Even if they're a little wary of Ginny and Draco's little thing they got going on. Harry didn't like it at all, but, as Ginny explained many, _many, _times, it's kind of hard to live with someone for a year without forming _some_ kind of relationship. Harry didn't like it, but Ginny had accepted the douchebaggery that was Draco Malfoy. If he saw them now, even during the freaking _bombing _of Hogwarts, he would flip his shit.

"So," Draco drawled, "We're being attacked by muggles."

"Yes," Ginny said, straightening her tie, "That we are." People around them were starting to realize that the muggle bombs weren't doing anything to Hogwarts and were looking nervously around and out the windows where the school had been surrounded by peculiar vehicles with giant guns on them. Kingsley Shacklebolt was in front of the main doors into Hogwarts, a _Sonorus _charm placed on his voice, trying fruitlessly to negotiate with the muggles. One of the muggle soldiers, a fancy one apparently, was talking back through a large cone thing, he had an American accent and didn't sound too happy. "I don't understand why they're so mad at us, we didn't do anything to them."

"They're scared," Draco said simply, "They're afraid we're stronger than them and will one day take over the world or some rubbish."

"Hm," she said, crossing her arms, "Well, I guess they have reason to."

"Yeah, until they realize that their little gum things are just as effective as _avada kedavra_."

"True. And it's guns, dumbass."

"Well excuse me for not knowing the names of muggle killing machines."

"You're excused." Ginny said lightly, examining her nails. They chatted like this for a while, until something outside went drastically wrong. Apparently, the American soldier guy didn't really like something Shacklebolt had said, 'cause a moment later he was doubled over and collapsing. The aurors supposedly there to protect the Minister of Magic pulled out their wands and started shouting curses towards the muggles.

"That's not good," Draco mused, leaning on his arms outside the window beside Ginny. One of the muggle projectiles whizzed past his head and Ginny pulled him roughly down to the floor. Kids all over the school started screaming and running, much like before.

"Shitshitshit!" Ginny yelled, pulling out her wand and dragging Draco up by the hand. Harry and his posse ran around the corner.

"Oi!" Harry yelled towards them, still holding hands, "Get your hands off my girlfriend, you bastard!"

"You know Harry, there's a thing called Time and Place." Ginny said calmly. Draco dropped her hand and adjusted his tie.

"Bitch." Draco said, "that hurt."

"Douche," Ginny replied, grabbing his arm and Harry's before running towards the main doors. Hermione and Ron followed faithfully.

"Um, Ginny," Draco said calmly, running along beside her, her hand still fisted in his sleeve, "I think you've got your priorities wrong, we're going _towards_ the gun-wielding muggles. Where it's _dangerous_."

"Shut up," Ginny said, "We're going to fight."

"I don't think so," Draco said calmly, stopping in his tracks. Ginny skidded to a stop, Harry, Ron, and Hermione kept running for a while before they noticed.

"Why are you such a pain?" Ginny asked, placing her hands on her hips and tapping one foot.

"Because I can be," Draco drawled back, "And I have common sense. Wands are basically useless to fight those metal things. You stupid Gryffindor."

"I want to fight." Ginny snapped, crossing her arms, "I had to spend an entire year with your skinny ass and I didn't get to see any action. I want to be a hero, dammit."

"That's the stupidest reason to kill yourself I've ever heard. And you like my skinny ass."

"I'm not gonna die. I'm bringing you as a human shield. I can kick your skinny ass."

"It's nice to know how much you really care about me. Stop talking about my ass."

"_What the hell are you doing?"_ Harry yelled from the end of the hall. They were close to the door and gunshots could be heard bouncing of the stone walls.

"Shut up, Potter," Draco called over Ginny's head, before looking back at her. "I'm not going with you, I'm not an idiot."

"You're coming with me because, secretly, you're a good person who wants to redeem himself and shit. I'll talk about your ass any time I want to."

"What gave you that impression? My charitable nature and cheerful disposition? Why are you so obsessed with my ass?" This would have probably gone on forever, but they were interrupted by Harry pulling Ginny roughly away by the arm.

"What the hell, Harry?" She cried, turning around in a huff.

"We need to _go_, Ginny!" Harry yelled at her, hand tightening on her arm, "It's _not safe here!" _

"I spent an entire year in a safe place! Let me experience an unsafe one for Merlin's sake!"

"No! I couldn't let that happen!" Harry cried, Hermione looked kind of annoyed at Harry, like, "Dude, there's muggles with guns coming after us right now, is this really the right time?" Ron looked like an idiot, but really, does he ever not?

"You know what, Harry? I'm tired of your nineteenth century, Sir Prance-a-lot, pussy shit. I can take care of myself!"

"Ginny, would you please try to talk like a _lady_ please?" Percy said as he ran by, fleeing the oncoming muggles.

"Yeah, Ginny, what the fuck is your problem?" Draco snickered. Harry whirled on him.

"_Why are you still here?" _Harry yelled in Draco's face.

"This is entertaining," Draco said calmly, "And I'm waiting for her to break up with you so I can snog her senseless." Harry's face turned bright red in about two seconds and he threw himself at Draco. Ginny looked shocked for about a half a second before a bullet hit her arm.

"OW YOU SUCK" she yelled, grabbing her arm, and Harry looked up from where he was pinning down a struggling Draco and screaming in his face. Draco silenced him with a kick to the side of the head. Ginny screamed incoherently and light shot out of her wand at the muggles running towards them. About five of them dropped, tentacles growing out of their face.

"HAHAYOUSUCK" Draco yelled at her over the din, throwing curses over her head, "AND ALSO YOU ARE SHORT"

"SHUTUPIHATEYOU" Ginny yelled, healing the gash made by the bullet while Draco covered her. Harry was still on the floor and Ginny begrudgingly stepped in front of him to protect him. "DID YOU MEAN WHAT YOU SAID ABOUT THE SNOGGING?"

"I MEAN EVERYTHING I SAY."

"DAMN FINALLY. IT'S ABOUT TIME YOU GREW A PAIR."

"WHATEVER. YOU'RE THE ONE OBSESSED WITH MY ASS." By this time they had overturned a couple of suits of armor and were hiding behind it, popping up and shooting spells toward their attackers.

"SHUT UP. WHAT KIND OF GIRL DO YOU THINK I AM TO SNOG YOU JUST LIKE THAT. YOU'RE BUYING ME DINNER FIRST. AND I EXPECT ROSES. WHITE ONES." Harry started awake, saying something along the lines of "Ronione?" Draco dragged him up by the collar and Ginny yelled in his ear, "DON'T' WORRY ABOUT THEM. JUST GET YOUR WAND OUT."

"THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID."

"SHUT UP YOU. THEY'RE COMING CLOSER."

"_CRUCIO!" _

"HEY HEY HEY THEY'RE JUST MUGGLES!" Harry yelled as they all dropped down, a line of automatic bullets embedding themselves into the stone behind them.

"SO WHAT"

"GINNY!" Harry yelled, looking scandalized at the girl throwing a _stupefy_ at the head of a particularly large muggle.

"WHAT? THOSE GUNS LOOK PRETTY UNFORGIVABLE TO ME."

"SOMETIMES, WEASLEY, I REALLY, REALLY LIKE YOU. _IMPERIO!" _A soldier to the left of their little fort started running into the wall over and over.

"YOU LIKE ME ALL THE TIME. EVERYONE DOES. I CAN'T HELP IT IF I'M POPULAR." A soldier nearby started stumbling around, his legs like rubber.

"GET THOSE GODAMN KIDS, YOU MAGGOTS!" An official looking soldier yelled, and the men started running closer to the suits of armor. That's when they noticed that they were the only students left in the hall. A clicking sound rang around them as they were surrounded on all sides.

"You do realize that this is all your fault." Ginny said calmly, raising her hands in the air as they instructed her to. Draco and Harry did the same.

"Does this mean our date is cancelled?" Draco muttered towards her, Harry made an odd choking noise as the muggles jerked them up roughly and pushed their hands behind their backs.

"Hey! That's inappropriate touching! HELP HELP RAPE!" Ginny yelled as they were thrown against the outside wall of the school along with, what seemed to be, the entire Gryffindor house.

"Well ISN'T THIS JUST TYPICAL." Draco yelled irritably as about fifty pairs of eyes glared at him down the line, his usual cool and collected act dropping in the face of certain doom.

"This is still your fault," Ginny muttered after he had been beat in the side of the head with the butt of a gun for being too loud.

"No, it isn't. If it wasn't for you I would probably be safe and sound. But you had to be difficult!" Draco snapped, banging the back of his head on the wall behind them. Ginny sighed and slid over to rest her head against his shoulder. "Oh no you don't. I don't know why I like you."

"No."

"I hate you."

"No you don't."

"…I guess you're right." Ginny made a sort of huffing noise and closed her eyes to go to sleep, feeling Draco turn and press his face into her hair.

"UM EXCUSE ME I'M STILL HERE." Harry yelled at them, getting a kick in the stomach for his outburst. "Don't have Romantic Cuddle Time while I'm in your presence please!"

"You're just mad 'cause you don't get to have Romantic Cuddle Time with her anymore," Draco pointed out.

"Both of you suck and should be quiet now." Ginny muttered into Draco's shoulder.

"What part of SHUT THE HELL UP do you Limeys not understand?" a soldier yelled at them, pulling back his boot to apparently kick Ginny in the side. Draco growled menacingly and the soldier fell over, screaming in pain.

"What?" Ginny said, shocked.

"Two wands," Draco answered, "Idiots didn't even bother to search me." He whirled around a second wand behind his back where his hands were cuffed. He had pulled it out of his back pocket.

"You're so good at the unforgivable curses that you can do them on people without even _aiming?_" Harry asked suspiciously as Draco vanished his handcuffs and disabled the muggles guarding them. He got to work freeing all the other people captured.

"Um, hello? Do you forget who my dad is? I can do them in my sleep." Draco said quietly as he ushered them all toward the other side of the school. Ginny grabbed a box of wands from a tent nearby.

"These guys weren't very smart, huh?" Ginny muttered to Draco as they ran towards the place they were _supposed to in the first place_.

"Well, they are muggles," Draco muttered back, grabbing her hand.

"Don't pull your racist shit on me," Ginny said, squeezing his hand. "Even if now you kind of have a legit reason for it."

"I think this just may be the worst fan fiction ever written," Draco said as they reached the large tent that held the rest of the school, "there was nothing serious in it. At all."

"Yeah, well, whatever," Ginny said back to him, accepting a blanket and cup of hot chocolate from an auror in the tent, "She tried right? There was some fluff I guess."

"Yeah, I guess." Draco said, sitting them down in a corner and wrapping the blanket around both of them.

* * *

**OH YES I DID. I BROKE THE FOURTH WALL.**

**There would have been more cussing, but for some reason every time I tried to write the word Godammit my computer changed it to goldsmith. WTF why goldsmith?**

**Oh, and it should be obvious, but I didn't proofread this AT ALL. This is straight up, right from the oven, crap. I don't really care that much.**

**PRISCILLA IF YOU WANT AN ACTUAL ENDING YOU HAVE TO BUY ME A PACK OF YU-GI-OH! CARDS.**


End file.
